A Letter To My Bullies

“Once you are REAL, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” -Margery Williams

Hey there bully. I see you standing tall with your chest puffed out like some some kind of external warrior. A predator that has chosen its prey. The prey is a little too threatening to you, so you must attempt to bring them down and feast on their wounds. The vulnerability of your prey makes you feel uncomfortable. Their willingness to be seen for who they are puts salt in your own wounds, wounds you don't want to confront. Wounds you cover up with that mask you’re wearing. Your armor protects you from ever having to be vulnerable. Inside, shame is stirring in your heart. You attack and humiliate to alleviate your own suffering. 

I realize that my willingness to be vulnerable, open and authentic intimidates you. Your cruelty toward me is your way of discharging your pain and discomfort. Rather than doing the dirty work of embracing your own vulnerabilities and imperfections, you attack and ridicule what you think is imperfect about me. 

You call me things like “the lowest of lows”. You ask me how I sleep at night and tell me my happiness is at the expense of others. You think I am stuck up, judgmental, selfish and don't deserve to be happy. This puts so much pain in my heart. Pain in knowing the deep suffering that must be in your heart. Your projections give me a glimpse into the story you have about yourself. It is simply easier for you to attack and belittle others than it is to risk having honest conversations about your struggles with worthiness. I pray for you. I pray that you can find a safe space to be seen, to be heard and to be loved through all your imperfections.

I understand that you don’t feel worthy, that you don't feel adequate enough, or perfect enough. This lack of belonging you feel is why you try to control others, put them down, attack them personally, and make unsubstantiated claims about their motivations and intentions. Well I have great news. You ARE enough. I can see through your suffering and know that you are kind enough, compassionate enough, hard working enough. You are enough and you can exist in a world of love and empathy. You just have to do the dirty work from the inside out.

“Vulnerability may be at the core of fear and uncertainty, but it is also the birthplace of courage and compassion- exactly what we need to help us stop lashing out and start engaging with the world from a place of worthiness; a place where empathy and kindness matter.” - Brene Brown 

I can honor your vulnerabilities and imperfections, can you honor mine?

With empathy and gratitude,

Ashley